Day 8

Countless times it's been joked about how men are occupied with their penises - and we laugh at the jokes simply because we, with some embarrassment, recognize ourselves. For example: Those of you guys who have never measured your penis, raise your hands! And you who raised your hands - shame on you to be such liars!

I'm certainly no exception, and studied my penis thoroughly this morning. The incision line on the backside doesn't look very nice at same places. In the middle it looks sort of like a lump, and has done so all the time, and I wonder if it's going to even out in the end. It looks a little messy around some stitches too, but I found something that lit me up too: Between two stitches, the skin has visibly healed. This tiny little line has just closed! The incision has now become a whole and rather even piece of skin. My body is working as it should, and that shouldn't surprise me  - though seeing with my own eyes that it now is happening gives me some comfort and release some of the unconscious doubt.

In general my penis feels more physically calm today, I can't express it better, and the skin really looks like it's healing. Maybe reduction of swelling cause this notion.

Sex!

I haven't had an ejaculation since last Sunday, that's eleven days ago. There's nothing strange about that, since I now and the have periods for 1-2 weeks when I don't have an orgasm just because I don't feel lust, and I have really not felt any need since my circumcision!

However, now I'm beginning to feel it would be very pleasurable to masturbate! But - just forget about it until later... Maybe it's another sign of healing - my body's starting to recognize genital functioning.

  

  

Day 7: Circumcised for one week!

There's no noticeable change in swelling today, but the wound has been running a bit again, and it comes from the backside of the penis. 

One commentator mentioned that this side is the one that heals slower since it's more exposed to different kinds of wearing. This may be the case here. I notice that the area around some of the stitches on the  backside looks a little inflamed, which is not the case on the front. 

I admit that I feel a little fear that the scar will heal poorly and end up uneven and lumpy. No one can tell today how the result will look like. Though I must keep in mind that the main goal is already achieved and irreversible: no foreskin covers the glans.

Day 6

Today is very much like yesterday. The swelling seems to have been slightly reduced, and there has been a little running from the wound. No big drama though!

I enjoy my circumcised state a lot. Since my body seems to have suspended genital arousal, the spiritual one is growing instead. Thoughts and emotions can be very sensual and exciting in themselves, even though not transmitted into bodily reactions and actions. More and more interesting effects of this experience turn up!

Day 5: Not a sexy sight

This night I had my first working shift since I was circumcised. I had to be a lot more careful about how I walked. My steps were quite gentle instead of quick as the usually are! I also wrapped my penis in gauze to reduce the rubbing.

The last days have mostly been spent in horizontal position, so a working shift with my body walking around a lot did have effects on the comfort of my penis, though I can't say it was big trouble.

When I came home and undressed, I could notice a big increase in swelling, but keep in mind that it's a sign that my body works and the healing process is going on.

  

Day 4

What's new today? 

1. No pain at all.

2. More swelling, especially of the skin below the incision line.

That's all!

   

Day 3: Throbbing

I was awakened with an erection this morning too, though after seven hours of sleep, so there's nothing to complain about. 

The swelling has increased since I removed the bandage yesterday, as is visible below! There has been no pain to speak about until now, but today the penis has begun to throb, constantly but with low intensity. No other troubles, so far!

   

Day 2: Unveiling!

"Is that all there is to a cut?"

I was not really scared, but rather excited to get the bandage off the penis. I gently rolled off the gauze, layer by layer. I expected it all soaked with dried blood, but it wasn't, only the innermost gauze layer. I soaked that with water and pulled it off very gently, millimeter by millimeter, not to cause unnecessary bleeding in case it was stuck in scab. It went very smoothly, and the more gauze I got off, the more I wondered why it didn't look black and blue and swollen underneath!

So - the whole bandage is gone!

It doesn't look scary at all. Has the doctor really cut it?! Yes, obviously he has! The cut seems higher and looser than I expected, but all in all it looks really nice. Not much of bruising and not much of swelling either, at least in my eyes, and where is all the scab? I have seen pictures from other men's circumcision, and I was prepared for a much more terrifying sight. Be your own judge by looking at the photos!

By the way, did I tell you I'm happy to be circumcised?!?!

  

The front of my penis, two days after circumcision.
Higher and looser than expected, I'd say, though I don't think it looks very messy!

  

My penis seen in profile, two days after circumcision. 
It's an obvious swelling on the underside, but nothing that worries me at this stage.

Day 1

It was a bit uncomfortable to get to sleep yesterday. How should I put my penis? I usually sleep naked but now I had to wear pants. I found out that penis-to-the-left was the solution and fell asleep quite soon. After six hours of undisturbed sleep I was awoken by an erection. It caused discomfort, but no pain to speak about. 

During the whole day there has been no pain whatsoever. When I took a nap in the afternoon I woke up with an erection which felt like the one in the morning. Nothing else has caused me any nuisance today, and I haven't even thought about painkillers.

Tomorrow is the day for unveiling the penis. Taking the bandage off will be both exciting and scary: I don't have the slightest idea of what it's going to look like!

Keep your fingers crossed, please...

Day 0: I am now circumcised!

The procedure is actually performed, everything went easily and smoothly, and I still can't fully grasp that it's now done.

The clock-radio rang a few hours before the agreed appointment with Dr N. I felt excited and expectant, but not really nervous. Most of all I thought time passed slowly, I wanted to get away and get it over and done with!

At noon I arrived to Dr N - punctually of course. We had a short chat about what circumcision means, he informed me about the small risks, and could establish that I was well prepared. Then it was just to rise and pull down pants and underwear! It felt a bit awkward, of course, but you just have to keep in mind that it's part of the procedure, and especially that the Dr has viewed lots and lots of penises during his long career. We seemed to agree on what kind of circumcision should be made, rather tight and with a bit of the inner foreskin left. Dr N recommended me to keep the frenulum, but promised to remove it later without extra cost if I thought it was troubling.

After that it was time to lay on the operation table. Dr N cleansed the penis and surrounding area with chlorhexidine, and made some injections of anaesthetics around the penis root. This hurt quite a bit, and I had to concentrate to lie still - the human reflex is to fight or flight when being attacked by something painful. But it wasn't worse than getting anaesthetics from the dentist, and the pain disappeared in the same moment as the needle was removed. Dr N chatted for a few minutes while the anaesthetics worked, then he tested if I was numb by pinching my foreskin, and since I could feel a slight pain he gave me another injection of anaesthetics.

Yet some minutes to wait, and meanwhile a nurse came in who was to assist during the operation. A bit more of disinfection and pain testing. After some minute I asked "Have you started yet?" but then the doctor and nurse were already at work! Sometimes I heard a beep, and that came from an electric device used for haemostasis by burning. I didn't sense any smell of burnt flesh though, which I've heard stories about!

The doctor and nurse small talked to each other and to me, and the whole thing felt quite pleasant. Dr N asked me again about whether or not to remove the frenulum, and I decided at last to keep it - it could be dropped later if I changed my mind. At once it was time to stitch the whole thing together, which more or less took as much time as to cut away the foreskin, as I perceived it.

My penis was wrapped up in a bandage  and Dr N loosely applied a compress drained in vaseline around my glans before the underpants were put on back. He explained that it was to not let the glans dry out too fast and get stuck in the pants, and that I should keep it like this for at least a week, and therefore get more compresses and vaseline at the pharmacy, so I could change it often. He recommended the bandage to be taken off two days later, and if couldn't manage that on my own I was welcome to come up to the clinic for help. Sex should be avoided for 3-6 weeks! I also got a prescription for painkillers, which I shouldn't hesitate to take if needed.

Dr N also gave me the number to his emergency phone, which I could call at any time in case of bleeding or anything else worrying. Furthermore I was recommended to stay home from work for up to a week since my job is somewhat physical. This was up to my own judgment though, with regard to possible pain or discomfort, and since I was anyway going to have three days off I could await this.

Finally there was nothing left but to shake hands and say thank you and goodbye!

I left the clinic, relieved and cheerful at mind. It was just a one minute subway trip from the clinic to my home. I went to the pharmacy and grocery shop when passing by, and all the time I felt a big smile on my face which I tried to suppress to not look like a fool. What was on my mind then? "I'm circumcised, YES!" That was more or less my thoughts, and the source of that big stupid smile!

After a few hours I  started to feel a very pale, stinging pain, comparable with having the foreskin pinched. If there had been a foreskin, that is! After a while I took a painkiller, mainly for preventive purpose, thinking of Dr N's recommendation to not hesitate using them even at mild pain. At the end of the evening I didn't feel any pain at all, just a minimal pricking now and then. On the other hand I could notice bruises beginning to be visible at the penis root.

How the main part of my penis, which is covered with bandage,  looks - that's something I shouldn't think about right now! 

Peeing is worth mentioning too! At the first occasion after surgery I was in fact a little scared that it would hurt, but it didn't at all. The stream came with no problems whatsoever, and that was a relief.

   

The front-side of my bandaged penis, one hour after circumcision is performed.

    

The backside of my bandaged penis, one hour after circumcision is performed.

Day -1: Tomorrow is the day!

It is at the moment exactly 24 hours until I'm seeing Dr N for an examination and, hopefully, a following circumcision. This isn't guaranteed though! After the examination and discussion, the doctor might disagree, and I might disagree. But I surely don't hope this will be the case!

IF the circumcision is performed, I know I will NOT be able to run home to admire my new, beautiful penis. Instead I should look forward to several weeks with a first bandaged, then quite unsightly and sore penis. The final result is something I'll have to be patient about.

Nevertheless I'm very expectant!

How my uncircumcised penis looks

Today my penis looks like this.
It's visible that my foreskin is neither tight nor long, rather the opposite, so I have no medical problems with it.

This doesn't prevent me from wanting to get rid of it. As most men who urge to be circumcised I prefer to have my glans exposed all the time, but since my foreskin is so loose it still slips forward, whether I want it or not!

My uncut penis in flaccid state.
Left: Foreskin pushed forward. Right: Foreskin retracted.

My uncut penis in semi-flaccid state.
Left: Foreskin pushed forward. Right: Foreskin retracted.

My uncut penis. When it erects, the foreskin automatically retracts.
Left: Semi-erect state. Right: Fully erect state.

Circumcision in Sweden

When having a positive attitude to circumcision it's not very easy to find like-minded to discuss it with, at least not in a society like the Swedish, where it's more or less a non-topic. If the thing is brought up it's almost always in negative terms.

Perhaps the large ignorance shouldn't be surprising. Circumcision in Sweden has in principle only been performed when medically motivated, regarding the Christian native population.

There have been Jews in Sweden since the 16th century. At first they were very few, but despite the relative increase of their number the last centuries, they only represent 0,2% of the population. There are no figures on how many of the Swedish Jewish men are circumcised, but I guess the great majority are. The Muslim population in Sweden was until few decades ago almost non-existent, but labour and refugee immigration has brought about a number of 2-3% Muslims among the Swedes. Also among these, I expect a great majority of circumcised men.

Thus we can conclude that only a few percent of the male Swedish population are circumcised. Furthermore, most of these few belong to ethnic and/or religious minorities, which are often by the majority population considered "strangers" and not had very much contact with. The majority population simply very seldom sees a circumcised penis, or talk to the owner of one!

Therefor one shouldn't be surprised by the ignorance in circumcision. Though, it's both frustrating and upsetting that the negative or directly hostile attitude to circumcision is so widespread - even among those who usually call themselves enlightened.

Ignorance and prejudice are running rampant. Male circumcision is mixed up with female genital mutilation, which is grotesque. Many think that one can't masturbate without a foreskin. Some seem to think that it's more or less a matter of some kind of castration!

It's also a question of a great deal of self-righteousness and ethnocentrism in the Swedish majority population. "Our" customs are obviously the right ones, those of "the others" are strange, and in addition they are often Muslims, against whom there's a widespread suspiciousness.

Left: The Stockholm synagogue. Right: The Stockholm mosque.
"Can these people really be called Swedes? Doubtful... at least as long as they don't stop this circumcision thing, and start to eat pork and drink themselves pissed every weekend, like civilized people do!"

It should be possible to lift the eye a bit and look around the world! About 30% of the world male population is circumcised. Most of them were in childhood and thus they didn't chose for themselves, and that should be said. It's neither a serious argument that a practice automatically is right just because it's common. But considering the patriarchal order that rules almost all societies in the world, it's not probable that a custom would be so widely spread and continue fomillennia if it would mean so many disadvantages for males as the opponents claim!

Ask the circumcised men too! The great majority are proud of and/or satisfied with being circumcised, or at least indifferent to it. There are a few though, who are dissatisfied, and of those almost all have been circumcised without being able to make their own choice. This should be respected and taken seriously. On the other hand, a lot of men in the world are unhappy with their penises regardless of being circumcised or not.

Don't either forget us who have made our own and active choice to become circumcised! Practically all of us have carefully considered our choice during a long time and after thorough research. We know more than most others about the function of a penis in general and a foreskin in particular. We do obviously not want to mutilate our penises or deteriorate our sexual experiences - we want to improve them!

Turning-point: Over the threshold

The inspiration, knowledge and support I have got from the web via both groups and individuals has been crucial in my way to circumcision. There's no reason to mention all, and I don't remember all either.

There is a special friend, though, who must be specially mentioned! He has played a decisive role to help me take the small step over the edge. He knows well who he is, but his name remains unmentioned until further notice. 

He contacted me on the web a few days before this last Christmas, and brought up the matter of circumcision, though it wasn't a forum for that. I was set on flames, and we started to discuss intensely: I told him about my long time urge to be circumcised, and told me about his experience of being circumcised and his never extinguishing passion for it.

Once again a chord inside me was touched, but this time it caused a far louder sound, and it also became more personal and real than ever before. I found that I now had become determined and that it was time for action. 

There are many strange coincidences in life. Now that I didn't hesitate anymore, I was looking for a way to practically reach my goal and searched the web to find a doctor who could perform the operation. I happened to get in contact with a Swedish man who had a story quite similar to mine, and gave me a tip about where I could turn. This person deserves to be mentioned too!

Then came what turned out to be the most difficult action to perform, so far: Making the phone call to the clinic! I  was so nervous. My heart pounded heavily and my armpits were flowing with sweat. When I finally had come through, spoken out my matter (I had repeated it loudly in advance) and got a time for examination, I suddenly become very calm. The only thing remaining was to wait.

How impatient I was at once, though I had waited for ten years, and now there was only one week to wait!

Adult life: A growing desire

I kept on enjoying my bare glans in adulthood, and have done so until today. Though during my twenties the foreskin gradually slackened, it didn't stay in backwards position as easily as before, and that pleasurable squeeze behind the glans lost its grip. 

Some time in early thirties I learned more about circumcision. Of course I knew what it meant before, namely removing the foreskin, but that was something Jews, Muslims and Americans did and that was it. Now I happened to come into different websites discussing this matter in a lot of different respects, and it touched a hidden chord inside of me!

I was both fascinated and excited. I was given plenty of opportunities to see circumcised penises, read other men's experience of being circumcised and, not least, their own passion for all aspects of circumcision. It might be a cliché to say that a new world was opened to me, but that's the pure truth. 

I made a lot of research, and soon the idea of being circumcised myself occurred with growing intensity. It was a profound desire, but yet seemed so far away. Circumcision for "no valid reason" (i.e. religious or medical) is something you just don't do in Sweden! I had absolutely no-one to talk to about it, and to what clinic could I turn without fear for being misunderstood or rejected? 

Thanks to the discussion forums, educational sites, and personal contacts I found on the internet, my desire for circumcision was never extinct, though it went up and down in periods. I gradually found that I had soul-mates in my own country too, even though I found only very few of them, but nevertheless that was a valuable find. I also found that there were doctors nearby who made this kind of surgery, also if you wanted it for aesthetic reasons, so it wouldn't be necessary to go abroad for it.

Having a circumcision didn't have to remain a pleasant but unrealizable fantasy! The desire lived further, but so did the many doubts too.

How it all started: A curious boy grows up

The first view

I learned to read when I was 4 or 5 years old, from pure curiosity.  That means me parents, always trying to answer my questions the best they could and without impatience, could have some relief by putting informative books in my hands. 

It must have been extra relieving for them to be able to hand me a book about where babies come from! This was a very educational and serious book, with illustrations so realistic and graphic that you almost wanted to touch them. One thing I still remember very vividly from this book is the pictures of male genitalia. Today I realize this must have been a translated American book, because there was just one illustration showing an intact penis, and it was specially mentioned that "all other pictures shows the penis without a foreskin". The view of these circumcised penises really fascinated me - I liked them far better than the uncircumcised one - and was the main reason to why this book got rather worn-out with many loose pages.

I will never forget this fascination, which I instinctively felt I should keep secret, and I often picked out the book to enjoy it when I was alone at home.

A tight foreskin 

As many other boys, I had foreskin that was to tight to retract. This was discovered at a regular examination by the school doctor when I was eight, an examination which I found deeply embarrassing and humiliating. It resulted in a phone call to my parents, and shortly after when I was having a bath my father showed me how I should do daily stretching exercises with my foreskin to have it loosened. Needless to say, this was very embarrassing too! 

But these exercises worked. After a couple of years I managed to retract my foreskin, which was the purpose. A quicker benefit, surely not intended, was that I very soon discovered how to masturbate. I would have learned this sooner or later anyway, but this way it happened sooner!

Learning to experience my glans

I remember very well the first time I managed to retract my foreskin. I was very glad that it finally worked, and amazed at the sight of my glans. I had never seen it before, and now it popped out, red and glossy. Most of all it was very sensitive, but nevertheless I enjoyed both the sight of it and the feeling of having it exposed. It was very exciting!

Through the years of puberty and adolescence, I kept on enjoying keeping my glans exposed and did so often. Since the foreskin at that time was quite tight, it was easy to keep it staying behind the flare of the glans, and the constant squeeze it caused just heightened the pleasure.

I've made up my mind

I'll soon become 43. For more than ten years I've nursed a growing desire to become circumcised. The long time of constant considering back and forth, returning hesitation and fear has come to an end. The moment is here! Now it's time to make the dream real and once and for all get rid of my foreskin!